NET12 Topic 1.1 Dating, Intimacy and Sexuality

This week we have been asked to consider the following question:
How far would a partner/spouse have to go online before it is considered cheating? Up to what point is flirting online acceptable? How 'real' is cybersex?

'Cheating' is difficult to define in an online capacity. I believe cheating in real life can be defined not just by the performance of a physical act, but by the intention to do so; which both of the 'parties' involved may have been aware of far before any actual physical act actually occurs. This may have been implied by body language or verbally communicated.  So talking intimately with someone who is not your partner, discussing sex, or otherwise sharing experiences that would make your partner uncomfortable should he be aware of them, could be considered forms of cheating. 

There is a line in the sand that is drawn in a different place for different people when it comes to how much flirting is acceptable, in either an online or offline capacity.  Here we will deal with defining cheating in an online environment. Generally flirting online in a chat room is anonymous.  People may use a fake photo of themselves to preserve this anonymity.  It could be said that there is no intention to actually act on what is said or suggested. It is perhaps merely a way of filling in time and getting some kind of harmless thrill.  I personally would still not be happy if I found my boyfriend or partner flirting online!

Cybersex is another thing entirely in my opinion.  If someone is graphically discussing or having virtual sex with someone who is not their partner I would consider it 'cheating'.  There is a level of intimacy there that an absent partner might feel very unhappy about.

Exchanging sexually-suggestive or nude photos with someone who is not your partner would also be considered cheating by most. 

So how 'real' is cybersex?  Real-life sex doesn't have to follow a set pattern or even contain a set sequence of events or elements to be considered sex.  There doesn't have to be conception.  There are many different sexual preferences and behaviours.  Humans have sex 'not only to experience sexual pleasure (recreational), but also as a means of emotional intimacy (relational), thus deepening their bonding, making their relationship more stable and more capable of sustaining children in the future (deferred reproductive)' Wikipedia (2009). 

I believe that in engaging in an intimate encounter with someone who is not the partner, even in the absence of physical contact, can damage the intimate connection or bond that exists with a partner.  So I can conclude that cybersex is 'real' enough.